Avoid These 5 Common Mistakes in Early Divorce
Divorce is rarely easy, but the early days of divorce can be a particularly confusing time.
If the divorce has blindsided you, you might be too busy trying to process your emotions to give coherent thought to the legal process or your future.
But even if you're certain divorce is the right path, it’s not uncommon to find yourself second-guessing everything–especially if you begin to experience unexpected or painful challenges.
While confusion is perfectly normal in divorce, it's important to recognize your state of mind before making a major decision. Decisions made in confusion are rarely good ones. They might seem reasonable in the moment, but they can result in high stress and needless regret down the road. In other words: big mistakes.
Take a look at five of the most consequential mistakes that happen early in the divorce process and take steps to avoid them.
1. Making big decisions too quickly
When everything feels urgent, it is easy to rush decisions about money, housing, or legal strategy. Whether you think you just want to “get things over with” or your spouse is the one pushing for speed, slow. things. down. Give yourself time to absorb some of the shock of your emotions, gather accurate information, and carefully think through the potential consequences of your choice (based on this accurate information) before committing to the decision.
2. Letting emotions drive decisions
Strong emotions are an inevitable part of divorce. Anger, sadness, fear, guilt, and even relief can appear, sometimes all in the same day. When there's even a chance that strong emotion is clouding your judgment, hit pause and check in with yourself before making a decision. Write out the pros and cons of the choice, use meditation or mindfulness to clear your head, or talk to a professional who can help you choose what truly serves your long-term interests rather than what feels urgent in the moment.
3. Assuming the divorce will end up in court
Many people refuse to believe that mediation or another collaborative approach to divorce will work for them. But not every divorce necessarily turns into a court battle–even if you were at each other’s throats during the marriage. (Believe me, I’ve seen it!) Taking a moment to question that your assumption can open the door to solutions that are often less stressful, faster, and less expensive. True, it’s not the right approach for everyone, especially if abuse or coercive control has been part of your marriage, but if a less adversarial path is possible for you, it’s so much better for your mind and body, it’s definitely worth a try.
4. Forgetting to be future-focused
When you are still processing what is happening, it can feel easier to agree to your spouse’s terms just to reduce tension in the moment. But never forget that even though your feelings in the moment feel super present, divorce isn’t about right now, it’s about your future. It's crucial to develop a realistic vision of this new future and understand how each divorce-related decision will affect it. It’s hard, especially if you’ve been shocked. But taking the time to understand what you want, what’s possible for you, and the long-term consequences of each decision, will help you make choices that are good for you.
5. Rushing to a divorce lawyer without preparing first
Many people walk into their first meeting with a lawyer, unsure what to ask or what information to bring, or even what they want from the lawyer other than to tell them what to do. I can’t emphasize enough how critical it is to understand what you're looking for in a divorce lawyer before meeting with them, and asking carefully selected questions to learn how they’ll approach your case and how they operate generally. Choosing the right lawyer at the outset can save you an immense amount of frustration in the long run. The last thing you need is extra frustration as you go through divorce.
**On that note, if you want to know more about how to choose the right divorce lawyer, download my free guide: “How to Get the Support You Need From Your Divorce Lawyer.”
How a divorce coach can help
As a divorce coach, I'm here to help you avoid common divorce mistakes such as these by guiding you through your options calmly, and helping you make decisions with long-term vision and clarity. Book a free 30-minute introductory session with me to learn more about how I can help.
Wishing you peace, balance, and happier days ahead. ✨ - Barbara
